Monthly Archives: November 2002

Moron Apology

OK, on behalf of many Canadians, I wish to apologize for the Prime Minister’s Press Secretary calling Geo. W Bush a “moron” 

She was talking about her own boss, Jean Chretien (pronounced Zhan Kret-yen for American audiences), who is so well regarded on the International Stage, that when he speaks, the press goes for coffee, answers voice mail, or clips their toenails.

Not to say that our Prime Minister is a moron, as that would be unfair to the truly stupid.  Our PM is a useless old political hack with a 40 year record of pork barrelling, contract pushing, featherbedding, jiggery-pokery and old fashioned graft that is jaw-droppingly stunning even to those who survived the Ceausescu regime in Olde Romania. 

Chretien is not a moron.  Geo W. is not a moron either.  Neither can apply for Mensa membership, but they sure do have a certain low cunning that allowed the two of them to get to the highest office each country has to offer. There are three morons in this situation: 

One, the PM’s Press Secretary who is so stupid as to be not trusted with scissors or to be near the media.  Will someone please wire her jaws shut?

Two: The voters of Canada, who continue to elect these muck suckers.  We deserve the appellation ‘moron’ because we keep marking the X next to their names.

Three: The voters of the US, both of them who showed up and pulled the lever.  Bush is a logo, just like the Nike swoosh, or Ronald Regan.  You voted for a logo?  Moron.

The answer?  Well, to our US members, don’t get bent out of shape by the PM’s Press Wank calling your C in C a moron.  Consider the source: A Press Wank with as much impact on World Opinion as Barney Fife has on Quantum Mechanics. 

To our Canadian members: Will you please try to remember that the best federal governments we’ve ever had in this country have been our minority governments over the years.  Things get done when voters grab their elected representatives by the cullions and threaten to toss them out on the streets.


Not being an American Citizen, I can’t really criticise too heartily about the election going on in the States right now, but since many members are in the US, I suppose I get a Free Pass. 

Most of what I’ve seen so far on the tube has me highly confused.  As best as I can tell, no candidates are FOR anything.  They are AGAINST everything their opponents ever thought of, mentioned in passing, voted upon, dreamed while drunk, or upchucked in the sink.  I suppose this explains the tremendous voter turnout in the US.  The whole campaign has been, to quote Dennis Miller, “No I’m not, YOU ARE!”.

I want to see some kind of Truth in Advertising Code applied to political ads.  Unfortunately, paid political ads are specifically exempt from the FCC Advertising Code and the AdCouncil Truth in Advertising rules, just so you know where the truth bar is drawn.

Imagine if the same rules were applied to regular TV ads:  “We’re General Motors and our cars CURE cancer.  If you drive a Ford, you’ll die in a horrid fireball and your kids will suffer permanent disfiguring injuries…”.  Or….”Wheaties, Breakfast of Champions and All-Around Americans.  Eat another cereal and you support Terrorists, Bin Laden and even Saddam.  And you colon will explode”

Not that we’re any better up here.  Canada tends to anoint politicians, much like the Conclave of Cardinals at the Vatican.  For proof of this, look at the Liberal Party and their collection of criminals, muck pouts and bottom feeders.

Let us not mention Florida and the New Math method of vote counting.  It brings back the old Tammany Hall days of New York and the Cicero Rule of Voting from Chicago:

“Vote Early…Vote Often”