Bread, Circuses, Current Events

We’re catching up with the panoply of events current.

Kim Jong-un is the the hottest of hottiest, at least according to North Korea, having been given the title Sexiest Man Alive by no less an august source as The Onion.  Needless to say the national press in North Korea has agreed, pointing to the exceptional taste exhibited by the decadent Western Capitalist media hordes. 

Naturally, the Korean Central News Agency has also found and reconfirmed the lair of the mythical unicorn  ridden by King Tongmyong before 668 AD.  Not 200 metres from the lair was a rock, carved with the words “Unicorn Lair” and an arrow.  And we make such a fuss about investigative journalism.

KC Chiefs linebacker Jovan Belcher lost the thread last week, murdered his spouse, then went to the stadium and killed himself in front of the coach.  A heart-wrenching tragedy to be sure, but so many of the mawkish tributes are conveniently leaving out that initial act of ‘shot his wife…’.  They are also leaving out Belcher’s string of concussions and substance issues that seem to be inconvenient around such a nice guy.

It’s much like the mandatory neighbour interview of someone who goes nuts and murders fourteen student nurses;  ‘He was just a great guy, kept to himself and wouldn’t hurt a fly, until we saw  the body parts coming out of the tree chipper and he was wearing a blue cocktail frock.  It was a bit of a surprise to the wife and me when we saw the SWAT show up with the Coroner.’

Prince William and his spousal unit, Kate have finally admitted that she’s pregnant, having been hospitalized with industrial strength morning sickness besmirching her perfect wardrobe  and demeanor. 

The headline, of course, is very wrong.  It  should be the more newsworthy:  “Happily married, heterosexual, white couple are having a child they deliberately want to have, likely through conventional means.” 

We’re looking to get some wagering action that the name will not be Beep, Bing or Nobby Windsor.  The current line is 6-1 that the offspring will be a ginger, at least according to the bookies in the UK who will accept wagers on anything.

The NHL strike is still going on.  That means the jock-sniffer component of society is starting to drool in withdrawal.  They might have to break down and actually talk to wife sometime between now and June 2013.  Sucks to be them, don’t it?


One response to “Bread, Circuses, Current Events

  1. Well, other than reporting on the first two stories SEVERAL days after I did, you did pretty good! :p 😉
    Wills and Kate expecting? That’s gotta be the worst-kept secret since … well, SINCE. 😀
    If any good will come of the whole Jovan Belcher, it’ll be to take concussions and especially TBI a LOT more seriously, especially among both veterans and athletes. We’ve lost too many decent people to the problem of brain injuries while trying to shrug the situation off as “part of the game/modern war”.
    By the by, I think I covered this with you already, but in case I didn’t, and if a camera crew ever approaches you about me, you are under threat to NOT claim I was “quiet and nice”. You are FULLY obligated to grab the mike, shove your face in the camera, and scream “He was an effin’ LOON! He collected SWORDS, fer God’s sake! We were countin’ the days til this idiot FLIPPED! Why didn’t you lock him up by now? HE’S NUTS!!!”. 🙂
    Otherwise, good to hear from you again. And give Mason a “hey dere” for me, okay?

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