Rob Ford Is A Duck


Since our posting regarding the Duck-iness of the Mayor of Toronto, Rob Ford, things have unwound very quickly. Yesterday, noon-ish he admitted to smoking crack cocaine to a group of media.

Later that afternoon, in one of the most confusing pressers ever presented at Toronto City Hall (and we’re counting the Mel Lastman years) not only admitted it again, he apologized profusely, then said if voters want to judge him, they can judge him in October 2014 in the municipal election, but for now we go forward.  Mawkish, then contrite, then hard-ass business as usual with Rob leading the way.

After sitting for a few moments, letting it sink in, we came to the conclusion that the man is in his own special world.  You can search up all the video you want, including the commentary from Jay Leno, Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart, but the short form is that the man is now the butt of jokes from here to Absurdistan.

The gall of the man is on par with the apocryphal story of the teenager who slaughters his family, then begs for the mercy of the court because he is an orphan.  Of course, various pundits of the nattering class are demanding he resign, take a leave of absence, or that some legal way be found to kick Ford’s ass to the curb on Blue Box day. 

Except there is no legal way to show Ford the door under the Municipal Act.  He could be on live breakfast television, violating a giraffe, while drunk and higher than Jack The Bear and there is no provision to have him escorted out of the office of Mayor.  Ford knows the law and unless he is charged and convicted of a serious offense, the law can’t touch him. 

Ford knows that process would take at least a year, probably two, with appeals up the line and legal skee-ball from every angle possible, including the “Have pity on my client, as he is a confessed drunkard, drug abuser and giraffe fondler” defense.  Conceptually, he could sell Toronto to a Latvian oligarch as his personal theme park and there’s squat anyone can do.

There used to be what was called the Indiana Rule of Politics as codified by Hunter S. Thompson which we paraphrase thusly:  Never be caught in bed with a live man or a dead woman.

Of course, the first part of the Indiana Rule is gone now and the second half could be in danger of being eclipsed by events in Toronto.

The frightening part is that come October 2014, he might just get elected again.

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2 responses to “Rob Ford Is A Duck

  1. Marion Berry is still the role model here. He won election to the DC council after serving his sentence.

  2. See? We learned LONG ago in Chicago to only buy the best mayors. Otherwise, your city will become a laughing-stock. (Hey, I didn’t say that we AREN’T deadlier than Kandahar City, just that no one’s laughing about it. 😉 )
    Um … Jack the Bear? Como se huh?

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