We’re Going There-Firearms


We’re Going There, which means we’re going to talk about firearms.

Post-Vegas the National Rife Association has been curiously silent, as they were after the Orlando night club shooting, Sandy Hook, Newtown, or any other mass shooting you care to name in the past five years.  Why?  Because “it’s not the time to talk about it.” is the sound bite out of Sarah Huckabee Saunders pie-hole this week.

Fuck that shit.  It is time to talk about it.

Our background before, we get into it, so nobody can call us ignorant, or snowflakes, or uninformed.  I was trained by the Canadian Military how to assemble, disassemble, field-strip, clean, maintain, aim and fire the FN.  I have hunted geese, duck, partridge and deer with shotguns and rifles in calibers from .22 to .308. I have fired the S&W .38 Police Special at targets in a range, along with my personal favourite the M1911 .45.  I’ve even let off a few hundred rounds from an M2A2 on the range at CFB Petawawa thanks very much.

You don’t get to discount my opinion by gunsplaining and showing off your nerd-cred with firearms. No, I haven’t been to a range, or hunting in years.  So what?  It doesn’t remove my experience with firearms, or my knowledge of how to use them safely and correctly.  Just because you wipe your ass every morning doesn’t make you a proctologist.

We’ll also take away the term ‘assault rifle’  Any long gun firearm can be described as an ‘assault rifle’  You can paint an AR-15 flat black with a chrome trigger and call it a low-rider AR-15.  Or, like I want to do with the Kitchen-Aid mixer, cherry-red hot-rod flames on the cover, so I can have the fastest, coolest looking cake mixer on the planet.  Assault rife is a meaningless term.  It’s paint and bolted on doodads to make the owner think they have a big penis.  We have not used the term ‘assault rifle’ here and the only terms we use are firearm, pistol or long gun to denote size and weapon as that is the correct military term for a firearm.  Gun is a term we rarely use, unless quoting someone else.

Here’s what we don’t understand:  How and why do you need a 20-round clip to hunt, target shoot or self-protection, the ostensible reasons people own firearms?  Are you that piss-poor a shot that you need a 20 round clip to take a deer?  You are that inept in reloading that you can’t steady yourself after the excruciating exertion of inserting a fresh clip that you can’t hit the target?  Jeeze man, you need lessons in how to use a firearm properly.

The same holds true with a full-auto modification, be it an illegal modification, a gat-crank or a bump stock to give you a higher cyclic rate than semi-auto offers.  (Translation for the non-firearm people:  Semi-auto means the firearm fires every time you pull the trigger, automatically loading another bullet, ready to go, until you pull the trigger again.  Full-auto means the gun keeps firing, automatically adding another bullet and firing it until you release the trigger, run out of ammunition or soften the barrel from the heat of constant firing.  Single action means you pull back a bolt or handle to move the next round into place to fire, usually ejecting the previous round, then pull the trigger again to fire)

Our question again, what the hell do you need a high cyclic rate for?  Those empty beer cans were calling you a pussy, so you had to shoot all 24 in 12 seconds?  Dammit man, develop some skills and don’t rely on an ammunition hose to make up for your ineptitude with a firearm. Sign up for the Civilian Marksmanship Program and learn how to use a firearm safely and accurately.

The M1 Garand, the weapon General George Patton called  “the greatest battle implement ever devised” could only fire semi-auto, relying on the skill of the operator to hit the target with one of the eight rounds in a clip.  Reloading takes a few seconds:  a well-trained shooter can reload a Garand in under 3 seconds, the firearm being designed for rapid reloading as it was designed as a military weapon.

What we want to see is a turn towards sanity.  There is no reason to have a magazine that has more than 8 to 10 rounds.  There is no reason to have a technology to weasel around the strict laws regarding full automatic fire.  There has to be a maximum number of rounds that a firearm can fire in a given period of time.

We’ll suggest that anything that can fire more than 30 rounds in a minute, is not needed by anyone except the police and the military.  If you want something that fires faster, grow a set and enlist, or sign up for a badge.  The Army needs people.  The Police need people.  Both organizations with train you, extensively, in how, where and why you need and can use rapid fire weapons.

Why would we suggest these changes?  To limit the potential for carnage when someone decides they want to kill a lot of people, for whatever reason.  When, not if, it happens the next time.  It will.

And we want to see the elimination of any grandfather clause.  No you may not have any firearm that can fire more than 30 rounds a minute.  No you may not have a clip that holds more than 8 to 10 rounds.  You can have as many clips as you want, but each one can only carry 8 to 10 rounds.

We don’t want to hear about Grandpappy Slocum’s old Thompson with the round magazine that Grandpappy left you in the will he scribbled in the dust of his tractor when he was crushed to death on the farm.  You can fill the barrel with lead and keep the firearm as a memorial to him, but it cannot be operational or repairable.  We’re not going to confiscate your guns out of your cold, dead hand.  It just can’t be operational at full-auto and must be made unrepairable on full-auto.

Notice what we’re suggesting.  It has nothing to do with the right to an armed and regulated militia or even the right to bear arms.  Your Second Amendment is unchanged.  We don’t even want you to register your firearms.  All that registration proves is that you own a firearm and we all know that guns don’t kill people, People kill People, so we’re managing the people involved.

You can have as many firearms as your wallet can handle with the following provisos:  You must hold a current firearms license with a 48 hour waiting period for any new purchase.  You must pass a background check.  You must take and pass a safe firearms handling course with a written test.  You must re certify said license and course every three years.

You find that too onerous?  Tell you what, if that’s too onerous, we’ll also drop the requirement for commercial pilots to have a full medical every six months and recurrent re certification on type as that’s really onerous too.  Enjoy your next flight.

The next argument we’ll hear is: The bad guys don’t have licenses or rules.  Our answer is the double-double rule.  Robbery with a firearm?  Regular sentence, then doubled.  No parole, no good behavior, no early release.  Discharge the firearm, it doubles again.

Criminals are not stupid, ten years for robbery becomes twenty, which becomes forty if they’re dumb enough to fire off so much as a single round.  No parole, no good behavior, no early release.  It will take about three convictions under double-double to get that message out: Don’t be doin that.

Crazies with guns go into a public venue and start shooting the place up, rules and laws be dammed?  This is where the ‘good guys with guns’ trope comes into play.  As a licensed, responsible, competent gun owner are you trained to run towards the shooter and return fire with skill and accuracy?  No, you are not.

Do you want the police to mistake you for the shooter?  No, again.  That particular problem happened in Dallas this year, as the police, who are trained, were not entirely sure who was responsible for the mayhem when well-meaning citizens with firearms started shooting back.  Armed citizens don’t have a reflective vest that says “Good Guy With Gun”.  The bad guy doesn’t wear a vest that says “Bad Guy”  This is not real.

Police with guns are trained to return fire.  Civilians with guns at a country music concert are not.  And don’t tell me it was too far to return fire.  The distance was known after the fact.  During the shooting itself were any of the good guys with guns looking for the shooter to return fire?

An exception doesn’t prove a rule, but it does put several hundred holes in the good guys with guns bullshit from the NRA.  One could assume that of the 22,000 people at the Vegas concert, at least a few were armed, as Nevada has rather generous gun laws, but as far as we can find, there was no return volley by the good guys with guns.  Oh, that’s right, one guy tried to get a cop to give him a gun to shoot back at the hotel.  He wasn’t always prepared for a mass-shooting incident by packing his own firearm?  Must not be much of a good guy with a gun then.

Some will argue, we’ll see an increase in street crime with baseball bats or knives, if the criminals know they’re going to jail for a long time if the use a firearm.  Yes, that will happen, but you can run away from a criminal with a baseball bat or a knife and even if they throw the bat at you, you’re probably safe after the first 30 feet.  A criminal or a crazy in a 32nd floor hotel room can’t really cause much mayhem beyond broken windows, even if he has more than 1,000 baseball bats and a case of box cutters.

Secondarily a lot of states have a stand your ground or self-protection law.  You, as a responsible, licensed and trained firearm owner, feeling threatened in your personal safety by a baseball bat-wielding mugger can, in all good faith, draw your firearm and defend yourself from grievous personal harm.

After all, you are a law-abiding citizen, a good guy with a gun, now standing over a dead mugger armed with a baseball bat.  Your defense is clear and the mugger isn’t going to repeat his crimes, not with eight largish holes in his body, assuming you’re reasonably competent and have hit the target eight out of eight from close range.  Why you put eight rounds into him is another question, as one or two should have sufficed, but we’ll leave that to the police and lawyers, especially if two of the rounds are in the back of the mugger’s head.

Which brings us to concealed carry.  Screw it.  No concealed carry.  You, as a responsible, licensed and trained gun owner must open carry.  It sends a warning to all the criminals, to not mess with you.  Or anybody near you.  Step up and don’t be a pussy.  The cops will ask you to disarm during a traffic stop of course, that’s understood and you will immediately comply.  No problem there, the cops want to be safe in conducting their jobs and no responsible gun owner has a complaint there, now do you?

Businesses can choose, as they do now, to permit, or not permit open carry.  Recognize that some people are nervous in the presence of firearms and if a business decides to not allow it on their premises, that is their right, which is just as valid and important as your right to carry.  You can choose where to shop and if you choose not to shop at a store that does not allow open carry, that is your right.

The final argument is always that we’re trying to pass laws because of the crazies or the criminals, that last 1%.  We’ll gladly answer that.

You have to take your shoes off at the airport because one fuckup, one time, tried to use a shoe bomb.  You get felt up by a TSA agent every time you fly because one time, one fuckup tried to use an underwear bomb.  You can’t take a full tube of toothpaste in your luggage because there was an unsubstantiated threat several years ago that the bad guys had found a way to smuggle an explosive in a toothpaste tube.  One time is all it takes to pass laws that affect millions of people.

We legislate for the 1%.  Truck drivers have a duty time limit, as that 1% of commercial truck drivers who insist on driving 39 hours straight are a safety risk to everyone on the roads.  Seat belts are legislated because of the that 1% who were flung through a windshield in a car crash and turned into hamburger.  Booze is regulated because the first-strike distillation of fermented corn mash is close to 80% alcohol and that 1% dumb enough  to guzzle a pint of first-strike is going to die from alcohol poisoning. An aluminum ladder has dozens of warning stickers because of that 1% of idiots that couldn’t figure out that a metal stepladder leaned against a power line would electrocute them.

Laws are always for the 1%, the outlier situations, and the one-in-a-million chances that something can and will go wrong.

Our changes to the gun laws are merely to make is very, very difficult for that 1%, one time, to shoot up a concert, or a school, or a movie theatre with an egregious loss of life and injury.  That’s all we want.

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