Monthly Archives: July 2017

Hard Reset

Earlier today, Tony the Mooch got his walking papers from the new Chief of Staff for Donny the Fucktard.  Pulling the trigger was John F. Kelly, a non-serving Marine General.  (Ask any Marine, you’re either serving or not serving.  The only time a Marine stops being a Marine is when they die)

Ten days for Tony the Mooch is all he lasted.  Now, the story in the New Yorker didn’t help, as it showed exactly what kind of knob he was and neither did his insistence of reporting directly to Donny.

This is what you call a White House Hard Reset.  More correctly, crashing the Donny shortbus into a bridge abutment at 70 miles per hour:  Whoever gets out of the wreckage alive, gets to keep their job for another day.  General Kelly is not someone to be trifled with and emphatically has the brass balls to do what needs to be done.  But since he’s new in the gig, we have a few suggestions:

  1.  Take away Donny’s phone.  Now.  Break his goddamn thumbs if you have to, but get that phone out of that idiot’s tiny hands before he starts a nuclear war.
  2. Tell Donny to start acting like a President, not a spoiled toddler.  Even Dubya was more Presidential than Donny will ever be.
  3. Tell Donny to stop lying.  Treat him like a grabasstic piece of wasted jizzum like you would treat a raw recruit on the Island.
  4. Prepare your resignation letter now.  Donny won’t do #1, #2 or #3 and you will be forced to either totally trash your service record (a very good one by the way) or be required be a party to violating your Oath.
  5. Watch your back.  Your Commander in Chief hasn’t got you covered.  He’d sell his kids before he admits to so much as being wrong.
  6. Speaking tours pay well.  Good luck!

This Week in Unreality TV

Mister Art Of The Deal, President Donny “Fucktard” Trump, managed to do nothing again this week, except outrage the Military, the LGBTQ community, most of the Senate and about two-thirds of the White House.  Not bad for a five-day week, but actual work on Making America Great Again?  Not so much.

The first off the boat were some of the last of the Republican National Committee employees at the White House.  Sean Spicer, ex-RNC fart-catcher jumped when Anthony Scaramucci was appointed Communications Director.  Reince Priebus, WH Chief of Staff jumped yesterday, leaving nobody with actual political experience in the White House, including Donny.  The Republican Party has essentially been shut out of their own ballpark by a Trump-led, Tea-party backed mutiny.  The RNC has a long memory and woe betide those who do not tug the forelock in the direction of the party and the piles of money and expertise they bring to the electoral process.

Citing the expense of transgendered soldiers getting the US Military to pay for their surgeries, Donny the Fucktard decided that trans soldiers will not be allowed to serve in the US Military.  The estimated savings?  About $8 million, or what it costs for a spare set of nose gear on one F-35 fighter, tires and installation not included. $8 mil to the Pentagon is a rounding error.  The Pentagon replied that they’re ‘studying’‘ the recommendations from Donny the Fucktard’s tweet, which is the Pentagon’s way of saying “Eat Shit and Die”.

Aside from Scaramucci’s very revealing interview with the New Yorker in which Scaramucci carved everyone in the White House a spare orifice, we also learned that Tony Mooch’s wife has decided she’d rather watch a propane tanker crash into a Down’s Syndrome Orphanage than put up with Tony’s grasping ambition and filed for divorce. Those in the know agree, yes,  Tony is a douchebag, with all of the political savvy of Sarah Palin on Xanax and the communications skills of a toddler with an intestinal parasite infection.  About right for Donny the Fucktard’s White House.

Then there is the death of the third replacement for the Affordable Care Act (ACA) or as they call it Obamacare.  Sen, John McCain got even with Donny by breaking ranks, along with two other Republican Senators, to vote it down.  Not that there was anything to vote down, as there was no real repeal and replace legislation to pass.  All the bill said was “We don’t want anything passed by that Negro President we had, but we haven’t got anything else to fix it with”  One Democrat Senator, Mazie Hirono, being treated for Stage 4 kidney cancer, showed up to vote down the legislation.

Republican Senator Lisa Murkowski from Alaska also sided with McCain and was duly rewarded.  We’ll quote here from a Washington Post article

McCain was joined in his ‘no’ vote by Republican Lisa Murkowski of Alaska, who earlier in the week had received a call from the Interior secretary warning that the administration would drop its support for expanded energy drilling and road construction in Alaska if she dared to defy the president and Republican leadership on the crucial vote. Murkowski did not take well to being muscled in that ham-handed fashion. As chair of the two relevant committees, she announced that she was indefinitely postponing sessions to consider nominations to Interior’s top positions and to mark up its 2018 appropriations.

The only way someone could be that politically stupid is if they had no political expertise and for that we nominate Secretary of the Interior Ryan Zinke.  An ex-SEAL (kudos for that service) but a SEAL knows enough to not leave fingerprints or traces of their presence on something.  Next time, have an intern do the call to twist some arms.  Rookie mistake there Commander.

Barely seven months into his term and Donny the Fucktard has already gone lame-duck, now changing up the seating arrangements in the hopes that he can actually do something, aside from naming the federal building in Nashville after Fred Thompson.

We await Robert Mueller’s revelations in the next few weeks.  The Unreality TV season is just getting started and we’re getting in a shipment of popcorn so we can  “Watch America Implode!”






Dear Tom: Canada Sucks Too

One of our longtime followers, Tom, occasionally posts that we overlook the things that aren’t all unicorns and Skittles in Canada.  Ergo, some details on one of our shittier sides and it’s happening in Thunder Bay.

To help our American readers, Thunder Bay is up at the top of Lake Superior, past Duluth and Grand Marais.  It used to be Fort William and Port Arthur but was amalgamated into Thunder Bay decades ago.  It is simply gorgeous up there, but there are problems.

The Thunder Bay Police and the Civilian Police board are under separate provincial investigations for all kinds of badness.  The police chief was charged in May for obstruction of justice.  TBay as a city has the highest rate of hate crimes in Canada, at least according to Statistics Canada.

A further band of shit-mist fell on Friday as the mayor, Keith Hobbs (an ex-cop) was charged with two others, including his wife, with extortion and obstruction of justice and a reminder that charged does not mean convicted.  But if it smells like shit, looks like shit and tastes like shit, it’s probably shit.

Being a ‘northern’ community, there is a racial tone to things with a large and deservedly vocal First Nations community.  Seven young First Nations kids have lost their lives between 2000 and 2011, three accidental according to the Coroner, but four were of “undetermined” causes, the linkage being the cops have dismissed a missing First Nations teen as just another missing Indian kid.  Ontario’s Office of the Independent Review Director – is already investigating the charges of systemic racism within the department.

We’ll add to that the Special Investigations Unit is looking into the death of another First Nations man, a couple of days ago, who died in a Thunder Bay Police cell.

So, Tom, yes, things are not rosy up here.

However, this where Canada differs:  We talk about it.  We acknowledge it.  Then we work to fix it.  It might not be fast, it might not be complete in every way, but we do it, no matter how much it hurts all of us.




So What’s He Done For You Lately?

President Donny is in his One Hundred and some-odd day as Leader of the Free World and it’s time to look back at his accomplishments:

Trump legislation passed:  None.  Yes, he’s signed about 40 bills with HR and SR numbers including HR 375 “An Act to designate the Federal building and United States courthouse located at 719 Church Street in Nashville, Tennessee, as the ‘Fred D. Thompson Federal Building and United States Courthouse'”  and his greatest achievement to date, HR 353 “Weather Research and Forecasting Innovation Act of 2017”  Or this model of managing the legislative agenda: H.R.1362 – “An Act to name the Department of Veterans Affairs community-based outpatient clinic in Pago Pago, American Samoa, the Faleomavaega Eni Fa’aua’a Hunkin VA Clinic”  Truly stunning use the of the Office and the Executive powers to guide important legislation to Make America Great Again.

The brightest highlight were these three: S.J.Res. 36 – “Joint Resolution providing for the appointment of Roger W. Ferguson as a citizen regent of the Board of Regents of the Smithsonian Institution;” S.J.Res. 35 – “Joint Resolution providing for the appointment of Michael Govan as a citizen regent of the Board of Regents of the Smithsonian Institution;” S.J.Res. 30 – “Joint Resolution providing for the reappointment of Steve Case as a citizen regent of the Board of Regents of the Smithsonian Institution”

But actual legislation from Donny’s mouth to the House and the Senate?  Jack-Squat.

The Mexico-funded Wall to keep out the bad hombres, rapists and drug dealers?  Not a whisper.  Not even a finger-bang tryin’ to find the hole.  Except the logic bomb that the wall has to be transparent because drug dealers are lobbing 60 pound bags of drugs over the fence and you might get hit in the head, so you have to be able to see through the wall.

Infrastructure restoration?  Never heard of it.

Manufacturing jobs are a juicy one.  That Carrier HVAC plant in Indy where Donny personally saved 700 jobs last year, announced that they’re still relocating the production from Indiana to Mexico, laying off the folks in December 2017, not December 2016 as originally planned.  Donny bought a year.

To be fair, there was a coal mine opened that will employ 70 people in Buttcrack W Va. However, everyone there won’t be covered by any semblance of health care, so one had best not have an accident on the job.

The Big Three car makers, who were supposed to bask in the American Manufacturing Renaissance under Donny?  GM is planning on a 10 week shutdown of most plants, instead of the usual two or three week summer shutdown for retooling.

Making America Great Again?  Not so much.  At the G20 a couple of weeks ago Donny had his kid sit in when the other leaders started to use big words.  At the G7 about a month ago he couldn’t walk two blocks and had to take a golf cart.  At international photo ops, world leaders would rather stand with the sign-language interpreter than be in a photo with Donny.  America has become a laughingstock with about as much diplomatic gravitas as Chad or Sierra Leone.

Unless you count his great international cyber security breakthrough of getting Vladimir Putin to cooperate on some fuzzy concept of cyber-security cooperation between the US and Russia.  Why not use that nifty Russian phone Putin gave you Donny?  It’s shiny and will let you tweet faster.

Even the repeal of Obamacare Mark II hasn’t got the support of enough of his own majority party to get anywhere near his desk and has duly died.  Donny can’t get enough of his own majority to vote for it, leaving Mitch McConnell to stoop and scoop.  This is Mister Art Of The Deal in action.  Or should that be inaction.  President Donny can’t close the deal.

But President Donny (“I’m President and you’re not”) sure can slam Hillary Clinton and the media.  Note to Donny:  Hilary lost, she’s not in office and holds no powers other than that of a regular citizen.  The horse is dead, but you keep flogging it?  Why?  Nobody likes a sore winner.

We’ll tell you why.  You know that hammering Hillary and doing an all caps #FAKENEWS during your morning dump distracts people.  That’s your long game.  More correctly, Steve Bannon’s long game:  Make the media run after air biscuits and brain farts while you go golfing and America rots away.

Even if Robert Mueller were to find a Russian wristwatch up President Donny’s ass and Putin’s pubic hairs between Jared’s teeth, there will always be apologists for this international punch line to a joke.

Except that once this all grinds through the courts and the investigations and the media shitstorm, it will be time for the mid-terms.  In fact, the Republican reptiles are lining up the PACs now for the mid-terms.

The House and Senate will likely flop back to a Democrat and Republican split, paralyzed with inaction and relentless bickering.  The base for Trump, working-class Republicans who bought into Make America Great Again will see it as nothing more than a logo, a red hat with no substance, no help and based on the stinkin rich folks in Cabinet, no hope for them.  They’ll stay home in droves once they see exactly what has been done in their name for them.  The rich got richer and the poor had their belongings sold off at auction to pay for medical coverage or food.

America is eating itself, fighting the Civil War again, except this time it’s not North versus South.  It’s class war.  Rich versus Poor and even more appalling is that the less-than privileged, Trump’s base, are the ones who will suffer the most for it.

Yes, America sure is great again.